For those of you who follow my blog, you’ll remember my recent post about a guest at one of my parties falling ill, necessitating a frantic call to 911. (For you newcomers, welcome and please scroll down to my April 3, 2010 post titled It’s Not From the Food! I Swear!)

What are the odds of another guest falling ill at my very next party, two short weeks later? If I were a gambling woman I’d go play Lotto.

Saturday afternoon my family and I hosted a party to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 85th birthday. I’ve been a little under the weather, so my husband and oldest daughter did ALL the cooking. I swear. (And no, we did not serve pickles.) When only one couple remained I was alerted to a male guest suffering chest pain. “It’s just gas,” he insisted. “I’ve had it before.” But his wife’s distress set me into action.

My first thought (after assessing his skin color and respiratory status): This can’t be happening again.
My second thought: Damn, why don’t I keep Alka Seltzer on hand?
My third thought: I hope I don’t need to dial 911 again.

I rubbed the gentleman’s back, patted gently, then not so gently. If I could have thrown him over my shoulder and burped him like a babe I would have. (I hope I don’t need to dial 911 again.)

He got up to walk around. I think he was afraid if he remained seated I’d try to beat that belch right out of him. (I hope I don’t need to dial 911 again.)

He walked, I walked. He sat, I sat, clutching my cell phone. He stared at his wife, I stared at him.

After some seltzer he said he felt better. I think he lied so I’d stop asking if he felt any better. He and his wife decided to drive home, probably to get away from me. (Thank G-d I didn’t need to dial 911 again.)

I’m happy to say, this morning he felt good as new…well as good as any of us middle-aged folk feels in the morning, I suppose.

I have to admit, I’m a little concerned. Two near misses. Do I risk a third? And what can I do to avoid it, require an MD note for medical clearance along with my invitees’ RSVPs? Should I stop throwing parties? Befriend an EMT? Invest in an EKG/defibrilator? Any suggestions?